Identity Crisis

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."~William Shakespeare

This quote really makes you wonder how names truly affect a person. Can you imagine a man named Archibald Alexander Leach named the second Greatest Actor of All Time? Well he was, but people know him better as Cary Grant, who was on movie screens for almost 30 years. What about a girl named Frances Ethel Gumm? Can you imagine her as a young girl who wears ruby red slippers and clicks her heels three times while she says "There's no place like home?". Well she was, but we know her as Judy Garland, who played a little girl named Dorothy, and who had an amazing singing voice.

Names really can make a person, which is why most people in Hollywood change their name in some form. Even Miley Cyrus changed her name. She was born Destiny Hope Cyrus, but in 2008 she changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus. Since the world knew her as Miley it wasn't really much of a change, just more of a formality. But either way it is a common practice to change or name, or to go by a name different than your birth name.

Many of us go by middle names, our last names, or nicknames. That's what this post is about really, going by a different name and how it can affect you.

I was born Elaine Savannah Beller-Obi. 23 letters, a hyphen, and I constantly have to spell my last name whether I go by Obi or Beller-Obi. My middle name alone is one of the most popular baby names of the past two decades. In 1992 it was ranked at #142, by 1993 it was #96 and then in 1994 it was at #82. I know the Savannahs, all who are close to my age. I'm glad I didn't choose to go by my middle name, I wouldn't be unique. Which is the one thing I pride myself on, having a unique name. I mean my last name is Obi, like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Stars Wars is one of the greatest Sci-Fi series ever, and it is a cult classic. I get the joy of saying "My last name is Obi, like Star Wars." People respond well to that.

My first name is Elaine, and it wasn't until I was 11 or 12 that I actually started responding to that. I had been Laney practically since I was born. My mom choose Laney(even though I don't have a Y anywhere in my name, so why I'm not Lanie or Lainie I'll never know) because she didn't want me to be called Ellie. So since then I've been Laney. During my early school years a few people called me Elaine, and I honestly didn't realize that was my name. Honestly a 6 year old barely hears when you call them, so try calling them by a name they don't go by, the results show you'll never get their attention.

My mom explained to my first grade teacher that I wasn't ignoring her, I just didn't recognize that when she called Elaine she was referring to me. My first grade teacher and my P.E. teacher were the only ones to call me Elaine. I noticed as I got older that all P.E. teachers or coaches call me Elaine. Who knows why, but it's a random fact.

Whenever I introduced myself to anyone I was Laney, at least until about two or three years ago. When I started figure skating my mom had this sudden idea that she should fill out all my forms with my proper name and not the name I actually went by. That started the beginning of my identity crisis. *cues dramatic music*

Okay, it's not that dramatic, but still. At the rink I'm Elaine, and that's where it started. My close friends called me Laney, but some of the parents or other skaters called me Elaine. Talk about confusing. Am I Laney or Elaine?

Since I was Elaine at the rink it was too late to change to Laney, by then all the coaches knew me as Elaine, and so that's what everyone called me. I have a funny story regarding my names and the rink. One year, I think it was 2009, we had a program practice at the rink before a big competition. My mom had just explained to Ms. Stacey a few days earlier that most people called me Laney, not Elaine and she was one of the few who called me Elaine. Anyways I was waiting to do my program and I thought I had enough time to run and grab something, well Ms. Stacey was calling the skaters and she called "Laney". I didn't here my name until she said "Elaine!" and I realize "Oh, crap, she means me!". Embarrassing, but funny. Okay well maybe you didn't laugh, but whatever.

I started my job in the rink in August of 2009. I'm Elaine there, to everyone, not Laney. Lauren works at the rink with me now and she calls me Laney. People get confused because nobody calls me Laney except her, so they have no idea who she's talking about.

I didn't take easily to the name Elaine. Honestly I hated it. It wasn't my name. It was the name on my birth certificate. That was it. I did go through this random phase(It lasted for a week. I was 15, so it was a dark period in my life) where I was Elaine. Elaine was in nice terms a really witch. I used the name Elaine to be someone else, someone who didn't care and didn't feel. Like I said it lasted for a week. Then I was back to Laney. But Wes decided he preferred calling me Elaine, even though I absoultely hated being called that. It became our routine, which sounds like an Abbott and Costello skit.

"Hey Elaine."

"Don't call me Elaine."

"Why not Elaine?"

"You know why not. I hate being called Elaine."

"I know, that's why I do it."

"Well stop!"

It really went on like this for almost a year, until finally I gave up and let him call me Elaine. Only one of my close friends who gets away with it. Then again he said Laney sounds like a name for a dog(I ignored that comment, though had he been here I would've decked him for it) or a name for a little kid. That made me think. Laney is more of a little girl name, but that's my thing. I'd rather act like a little kid and love Winnie the Pooh, Scooby Doo, Disney Channel and Nick, than act grown up. I mean I still act my age, but I hold onto my childhood. Actually I really act more like a 10 year old now that I did at 10.

But here's where I've run into my identity crisis. I used to be uncomfortable being Elaine, now it's almost normal to be Elaine. I'm not two separate people either; Laney isn't a little girl and Elaine isn't a grown up. I don't have to act one way when I'm using my names, I'm still the same person. True, when I'm Elaine I'm usually at work so I'm more focused and grown up and when I'm Laney I'm usually at home or with my friends so acting like a little kid or being crazy is fine. I guess it's situational or environmental. Like the new psychology terms I've learned this week?

I started college this week and my ENG 101 teacher called role and asked if we preferred to go by another name just say so when she called out names. I didn't tell her to call me Laney instead of Elaine. I had the chance, but I didn't do it. That was almost a wakeup call to me. My mom says that Laney was meant for family and friends anyways, and I guess she's right. But when I think about it, only a few people call me Laney anymore.

A part of me is scared to lose my name. It's like I'll get older and enter the workforce either as a teacher, lawyer or writer or something. But whatever I choose I'll be Elaine, not Laney. Elaine is grown up, classy, smart. Laney is innocent, playful and childish. I guess I'm worried that I'll grown up and lose a small part of me. I know that I'll always have people call me Laney, but still the number of people grows smaller and smaller as I get older. Who am I gonna me to my kids friends? Ms. Laney or Ms. Elaine? Am I gonna be Aunt Elaine or Aunt Laney. What about Grandma Elaine or Grandma Laney(I might be Lala, lol my Gaga's name was Gail, so she was Gaga to me). Still it makes you think about how much your name shapes you, and your future.

I'm probably the only person who analyzes a name. But then again I love names, I always have. I own six different baby name books(oh the awkwardness of trying to buy a baby name book or check one out from the library. You get really weird looks. Especially when you're a teenager. But anyways, it's time to end this post. After I've reached 1500 words it's time to call it a day.